PiCTURE THiS:
It’s your second week in an internship which you’ve been trying to get for as long as you can remember. You’re through the glorious doors and after a few days, the boss wants to take you out for lunch to get to know you a little better. You have no choice but to say yes and so you slip on your jacket and sheepishly leave the office expecting something to go massively wrong.
After a bit of awkward small talk you both finally reach the restaurant and take your seats. This place is brimming with fellow city workers. As you are handed the menu from the smiley but tired waitress you can’t help but notice the talk of business, law and office affairs in the air. You scan through the menu in hopes of something familiar popping up to make ordering quick and easy. You don’t want to come across as indecisive in front of the boss. You see something! Chicken burger! Oh yes!
You can suddenly imagine the succulent chicken breast tasting like heaven as you bite into the big juicy burger. You crave it will every ounce you have and want it so badly. You can’t even remember the last time you had a burger. You must have deserved it by now. The awkward introductions to the staff on your first day, the war with the photocopier, getting drenched on the way into work; all of these must equate to that juicy, juicy burger. Reality kicks in and it’s time to order. It could go two ways.
Scenario 1
You order that burger. It’s on the boss! You can’t stop craving it so why not? A little indulgence never hurt anyone. A few minutes of waiting, your succulent burger has arrived in all its glory. Perfection. You look across the table and see the boss has ordered steak. He smiles at you as he picks up his knife and fork and digs in. Excited, you reach for your burger. But, hold on. HOW are you going to eat your burger? Are you going to have to fiddle with a knife and fork to eat it? It’s like eating spaghetti with a spoon. It’s just not right. You really just want to tuck in and inhale that burger. Time is ticking, you can’t be too slow or the boss will finish before you and you’ll end up having him stare at you while you eat this beast.
You pick up the knife and fork in an attempt to look somewhat presentable but the burger doesn’t take to it well. It refuses to cut, damn these stupid worn-down knives. There is no choice but to eat with your hands. You reluctantly go for the burger and take a bite. Sauce drips out the opposite end; a nice sight indeed. Why oh WHY did you not go for the pasta?
You have to finish the burger. He’s paying for it; it’ll be far too rude to leave it half eaten out of sheer embarrassment. However, the worst hasn’t even started yet. He starts firing subtle interview questions at you. “So what makes you want to be a lawyer, then?” This is the worst timing ever. You’ve just taken the biggest bite of the burger and you’re pretty certain you have some ketchup smeared on your cheek. You must look like someone who has never had food before. This really isn’t going well and there is no way to abort. You have to chew as fast as your teeth can move and wipe off the mess attacking your face in a graceful enough manner to give off a good impression. You’ll most probably have to take clients out to lunch and this episode is clearly showing in you some pretty bad light as it is.
The rest of the lunch continues in this fiddly, embarrassing way. You try to scoff down the burger to make it all end already. And then, you realise what a pig you look like. You’ve just scoffed down a burger between surfacing for air in front of your boss, barely answering his questions in sufficient depth all because you’ve had to get rid of the damn burger on your plate. All he has gotten from this lunch is that you are impulsive, messy, unsophisticated and nervous. Good job.
Scenario 2
You’re far too clever to order a burger or anything as messy as that. Only IDIOTS do that, clearly. You sacrifice your craving and go for the inoffensive pasta. Classy, filling and best of all you can actually engage in conversation! You’re still a bit nervous but sipping on your drink and having a few bites of pasta seems to settle your nerves a little. You manage to survive the meal and the boss doesn’t hate you! Excellent. For that, you deserve a kit-kat when you get back to the office.
I really wish I could eat a burger in a somewhat presentable way. I am so self conscious about eating messy foods in front of people I don’t know or people I need to make a good impact on. I’m PRETTY sure the image of Mrs Patridge (as pictured) is a bit of a lie. I’ve never seen anyone eating a burger attractively. I for sure don’t. I actually enjoy eating it messily in the presence of comfortable company. Damn you temptation for kicking in at inappropriate times and damn you world for making me believe for a second that burgers are okay to eat in front of the boss. Damn you! I won’t forgive you for this. Ever!
So. Anyone hungry? I think it’s time for a burger.
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Haha. This reminds me of a time at work many years ago when we collectively ordered takeaways for lunch. Me being me, I placed it on a proper plate and proceeded to eat it with a knife and fork. I may have been mocked for it, but I'd rather that, then be mocked for having sauce dripping down my face!
Wonderful post as per usual G :) xxx
Great post, Gaia. I tried to leave a comment earlier, but it looks like it didn't make it :-(
I was faced with a similar dilemma yesterday. I really wanted a French dip, but should I mirror the client and order a spinach salad? I ordered the salad!
Cheers/Terri
Thanks for the post guys! I'm glad I'm not the only one! :D